Task 3

To reiterate, I feel as though I am at a loss of things to talk about in this section, because I recognize that I have begun to develop how I want to see the world, I have been latent to act and be the change that will cultivate such a world. So, in light of that, I want to focus on a specific example of an experience that changed me, and made me aware of a new reality. Going to private school all my life, with the exception of college, I never got a first hand look at the public school system in Oakland, the city where I grew up.
In the last month of my senior year in high school, I got the opportunity to help teach in a public elementary school in Oakland for a month. Before I arrived, I anticipated that I would be helping out in the art room for 4-5 hours a day. However, quickly after starting it became clear that I would end up having alot more responsibility that I might have been qualified for.
Marcom Elementary School is located on Hegenberger and 73rd in Oakland, an impoverished part of Oakland, too small in actual size for the amount of gangs that frequent the area.
Sufficed to say, it was not an area that I had spent very much time in, and the school environment different from anything I had ever experienced in addition. My time at Marcom was spent both helping out in the art room, as well as taking a group of "gifted kids" (that is who did well on the standardized tests) and teaching them how do research on the internet.
The program was presented by the art teacher whom I was assisting, and was designed to help kids do filtered research within a database of information that was appropriate for their age level. Therefore, there was not unanimous agreement that the program was going to be useful for the kids. As a result of this, those in power decided to stick me in charge of this project. All of a sudden I was in control of these kids, had to teach them, engage them, discipline them, having never taught a day in my life beforehand. I felt overwhelmed with responsibility, yet delighted with the thought that I had the power to positive impact them.
To be sure, there were difficult times, when I didnt not know what to do, and there was nobody around to tell me. And on top of all this, there was an attitude among the educators at this school of apathy. Something I could not quite understand at the time, and still ponder frequently.
They had started to give up on these kids. They had grown to accustomed to seeing their students getting lost to drugs and gang violence, left to die on the street, and they grew unconfident that they could do anything to change that path. There was so much beaucracy in regards to making changes to the infrastructure of the school, that nobody thought there was anything they could do, even though they had all started teaching for the same person of wanting to try to make a difference. To the art teacher who I was helping, this program I was teaching, was very important to the school, and the budget, and the community.
One of my most distinct memories of that monthing teaching at the school had to do with one little boy, who suffered from cerebral polsy, and was confined to a wheelchair. The special education program at the school was astounding, two random people with no teaching credentials, essentially baby sitting kids. In the art room, they would bring them in and let them play around, and just make sure that everybody behaved.
But this one boy, he was incapable of participating like the other kids. He had no motor control in his arms, I never heard him speak, and the special ed teachers would just wheel him into a corner, and leave him to sit by himself for the entire hour, while everyone else yelled and screamed and played with the art supplies. It really hurt me the attention and treatment of that boy. It echoed with the sentiments of most of the teachers at the school, that of lost hope.
The program ended, and I went off to college, and not until recently have I been able to reorganize my goals towards making my life more geared towards following a purpose in educating.

Task 2

My Purpose, Commitment, and Action
The opportunity to participate in the Warriors without Weapons program will be invaluable experience in my personal development as an individual. I like to believe that goodness at heart exist inherently within everyone, and however quixotic, that that 'good' requires a specific type of nurturing to allow it grow and thrive. In that same vein, there exists a multitude of things in our lives that can obstruct that positive force. I believe that Warriors without Weapons is a program that not only nurtures such growth, but that also empowers us as people to see, be, and believe in positive change.
I exist in a society that thrived from slave labor, which in turn lead us towards lives of mass consumption (and waste). I look at my life thus far, and I am succumbed with a feeling of culpability, guiltiness. I have benefited from this society, and am so extremely priviledged to have gotten the opportunities that I have thus far; and yet, no matter how much I talk about the inherent inequality that exists, I have not challenged myself to think big, I have not been able to be the ideal in that I believe. I still have much to learn, and I think that an opportunity such as this one will push me to be more, and say less. However, simply relying on you shows lack of motivation in me. In writing this, I am forced to confront the reality of my inner-conflict. I am not resolved, and I need to revive the goodness that exists within me.
One thing that is very true of me, is that I need to learn how to manage my time. I want to change the way I treat the my world and the people in my community. When I get home, I plan to become more involved the student organization STAND, the student led division of the Genocide Intervention Network. I have been in the group for a year, but have never gotten involved in helping out. I also want to pursue teaching at the local elementary school in my college town. I need to follow through on these things. I want to be busy and occupied with various things when I get back. Otherwise, I think that I become apathetic towards things. I need to use my energy towards taking less and giving more. I know I can do it, I just need to get up and get going.
I think that participating in the Warriors without Weapons program will show me how to interact better with people, sharing ideas and working together to accomplish a common goal. This positive outcome will demonstrate the importance of developing relations and forming communities, and to ultimately share the positivity of the environment created. I want to learn how to be apart of something, and how to be a positive contributing member of that community or entity. I think that the program will make me realize the importance of these things, and therefore empower me to try and affect change on every place I go and in every community that I join.

Task 1

Today, I am curious and adventurous, though sometimes passive. I am daring, and yet at the same time fearfull of how my actions will be percieved by others. I am a wanderer, both in mind and in body. I am naturally attracted to ideas that deviate from the societal norm, and yet I am still a conformist. I am conflicted, conflicted with who I am and who I wish I was; conflicted in what I say and what I do, in how I feel and how I act. But I care. I care about others and how they are treated. I care about environment. Above all, I am priviledged. for having the wonderful, supportive, and caring parents; for getting a spectacular education that has allowed me to continue onto college, and to be able to study abroad in a foreign country, and learn so much about myself. I thnk it is most important, to remain conscious of this characteristic. Because I am so lucky. and if I dont acknowledge that, I am dooming myself to a life of unfulfilled selfish expectations. I know there is more to it than me, and therefore, I have a responsibility to utilize what I have been given to help others.
I feel like a hypocrtic, for being selfish, and being wasteful, and being hurtful to others. I feel passionate, and I feel energetic. and at the same time, I sometimes feel unmotivated. I feel conflicted... I want to be the positive change that I demand out of others. I want to learn how to harness my passion and energy to do things that will fix societal problems, instead of just complaining about what I think is wrong.
I have no idea what I want to do in the future. In the short term, I want to be a teacher, and I know that I will want to stay in the academic arena. I think that this is the case, partially because I feel like it is the easiest way for me produce positivity within my community. I dont want to be a business man, but I have a dream of running my own resturant. Maybe my resturant would be able to donate all of the extra food that it generated to a local homeless shelter. I also know, that my perspective may be a little naive at this point. I am from a middle-class family in Oakland, California. I have never gone to bed hungry because I couldnt afford it. and moreover, I have never had to think about having a family of my own, the responsibility to provide for your loved ones. I am idealistic and self-critical at the same time. I suppose it is all part of getting to know myself. I know that I will want the best thing possible for my kids and wife, just like my parents wanted for me. And yet, I know that I will still need to do something else to help others that have been given such privilege.

About me

Hi!
My name is Andy Marell and I am from Oakland, California. I am currently living in Rio de Janeiro, studying at PUC-Rio on an exchange program with the University of California, Davis. In Davis, I have been studying International Relations, with a focus on peoples and nationalities in Latin America. Though, in Brazil, I have been able once again explore other academic interests such as sociology, education, and of course learning portuguese. I started out in college as a sociology major, but have struggled trying to find an area of study that covers all of my academic interests.
In coming to Brazil, I have begun to realize the importance of education that takes place outside of the classroom. For as long as I remember, I have been interested in the social themes of race and social inequality. In both high school and college, I gravitated to classes that would help me understand the history of different peoples' struggles. However, in writing this reflection, I am forced to recognize that in my life, I have yet to find a way to channel what I learn inside of the classsroom, and utilize it to affect positive change in the community in which I live.
In the classroom, I have always been able to stand up and challenge something that I believe is unjust. But, I have still yet to take advantage of opportunities to act on my passions. I am a product of a society very much rooted in individualism and meritocracy. I consume, consume, consume, and what I dont consume, I waste, even though I believe it to be wrong. I need to get involved in making a difference in the world. I need to face this contradiction between my beliefs and my actions head on. It is time to stop saying and to start doing...